Thursday, January 22, 2015

Lonely Weekends (A 2014 Reflection)

Apologies in advance, this blog is 1) a bit late and 2) definitely veering off-topic from my usual make-up/baking theme. I don't usually write down things of such a personal nature, but I thought maybe I'd do a Costanza and try the opposite of what I normally do, see how that works out.

2014 was an odd year for me, I said good-bye to a lot of things this past year. A darling little hamster named Timmy, my beloved Clarence (a 1970 Beetle, which had been my baby for a decade), anything close to my "high school weight", and the last decade I could really be considered "young" (a true lady never reveals her age, let's just say I'm on the wrong side of 25.)
R.I.P. Tiny Tim 

Austin, me and Clarence a few years ago!

A more recent portrait.
But as I entered my 30s----crap----I mean, this new decade of my life, unlike previous birthdays, I decided it was time things change. I spent most of the last decade in a state of limbo, sort of just getting by. The reasons are long and complicated (involving ex-boyfriends, ex-friends, etc), but I'm hoping to finally move on. In the words of the all-mighty Oprah, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." A simple concept,  of course much easier said than done, but it needs to happen. Along the same lines, "Life becomes a lot easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got," R. Brault. You know, I'm just tired. Tired of holding onto anger and frustration, tired of feeling emotionally drained. Tired of just being tired really, I don't have the energy for it anymore.

Like most people, part of my promise to myself as I started the new year was to lose weight. But more importantly, to lose the weight I've been carrying on my shoulders (deep, I know) for the better part of 10 years. How I am going to do this? I'm not 100% sure yet, and for once I'm cutting myself some slack. It's o.k. not to have all the answers right away. I'm figuring out that taking it one step at a time is really the key, to pretty much any tough situation in life. Yep, it's taken me 30 years to *really* learn that. But it holds true, whether it be for that To-Do list of chores, or taking steps to better yourself and your quality of life. Getting one small task done at a time, and gaining a sense of accomplishment from that, is a thousand times more beneficial than staring at a laundry list of things ahead. The tricky part is reminding myself of this, often. So, I'm starting with the physical aspect, and moving on to the emotional, taking baby steps.

Please don't misunderstand-this past decade of my life was not all bad. I was very fortunate enough to be able to travel to some incredible places; Liverpool (England), Los Angeles, Hawaii, and even Memphis, Tennessee, to the home of The King (which spilled into 2015, so I started off the year on a positive note), mostly thanks to the amazing Mom I was luckily enough to get. And traveling really does so much for the soul, gives you perspective and for me personally, it's energizing just to get a change of scene. I've had really great laughs with friends, and gotten to spend some wonderful quality time with my family (which includes members of the furry variety :) ). I am so so grateful for all of the afore mentioned. It's those in-between times I'm talking about, those "Lonely Weekends", that's what needs the work.

So, in short, I'm trying to be a healthier, kinder, more evolved human being this year. No sweat, right?